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Golf Humour:
Humour Page 1 * Humour Page 2 * Humour Page 3 * Humour Page 4
Studies show that laughing and having a generally happy outlook on life improves your golf game...but not as much as a practice green.
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Golf in Heaven |
| The golfer went to the fortune teller with his one question: "Are there golf courses in Heaven?" Fortune Teller: "I have good news, and I have bad news..." Golfer: "What's the good news?" Fortune Teller: "The good news is that Heaven's golf courses are beautiful beyond anything you could imagine!" Golfer: "How could there be any bad news with that?" Fortune Teller: "You have a tee-time at 8:30 tomorrow morning." |
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Stranded |
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A man stranded on a tropical island is amazed to see a gorgeous female scuba diver walking out of the water in a very low-cut wet suit. He runs to greet her and tells her he hasn't seen another human in 5 years. "Sounds like you could use a drink," she says as she unzips one of her pockets and offers the man a flask of 12-year-old Scotch. "That's the best drink I've ever had!" he exclaims. "Would you like a smoke?" she asks, as she unzips another pocket on her wet suit, and offers the man a Cuban cigar. "This must be the best cigar in the world!" he shouts as he blows smoke rings in the air. As she begins to unzip the front of her wet suit, she asks with a wry smile, "Would you like to play around?" "You got clubs in there too!??" |
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Engineers |
| One day two engineers were out playing a round of golf. They come to a par 3 with a blind tee shot. Both tee off and watch their balls sail toward the flag. When they get to the green, one of the balls is perched on the lip of the cup and other is in. As it turns out, both were playing Titleists #3s. A heated argument ensued and they finally decided to let the club pro sort the mess out. The pro walked to the hole with them and looked at the ball on the green and then the ball in the hole. He turned to the two engineers in disgust and asked, "Okay. Which of you is playing the white ball and which is playing the orange ball?" |
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| Wedding Blues |
| One mid-afternoon on a sunny day, a golfer tees up his ball. After a few practice swings, he steps up to his ball and gets ready to drive the first hole. Just before he swings, a woman in a wedding gown comes running up from the parking lot. She's got tears streaming down her face. Just as she reaches the raised tee, she screams out, "I can't believe it! How could you do that?" The golfer calmly takes a swing and drives the ball straight down the fairway. He looks at the woman, as he puts his driver back in his bag and says, "Hey, ... I said, ... only if it's raining" |
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Tough Round |
| On completing a round of golf, Steve was questioned about how his round went. He replied, "It was fine until Bill had a heart attack and died at the 18th hole tee box." Shocked, the gentlemen in the clubhouse responded, "That must have been terrible." To which Steve replied, "You bet it was... Hit the ball, drag Bill, hit the ball, drag Bill, hit the ball...". |
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Heaven |
| "I'd move heaven and earth to be able to break 100 on this course," sighed Mac, the golfer. "Try heaven," advised the caddie. "You've already moved most of the earth." |
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Slow Play |
| Jack and Fred were being held up all day by two women in front of them. By the 12th hole they could stand it no longer. Fred said, "I am going up there and tell those women off and let them know we want to go through." When he got halfway to them, he came running back and said, "That was a close call--one of those women is my wife and the other my mistress." Jack said, "Well, I'll tell them." He started up the hill, came running back and said, "It's a small world, isn't it!" |
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Worst Game of His Life |
| A golfer returning to the clubhouse after the worst round of golf of his life, requested that his caddie give him his ball. Upon receiving the ball, he threw it into the lake. The golfer then requested the caddie give him his clubs. The caddie asked what he was planning on doing with the clubs and the golfer replied he was throwing them in the lake, which he did. The golfer then started walking toward the lake, and the caddie asked what he intended. The golfer said he was going to drown himself, to which the caddie replied, "You can't do that, you can't keep your head down long enough!" |
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